I still ain't even skeered!

I've been out of work for 2 and a half weeks now.
I have to back up and admit to some fear rearing its head in the first week without work. I know, I know, God's got my back but my stupid sinful self will get in the way.
I have had a couple of phone interviews, an in- person interview that went very poorly ( yeah, some age-ism and racism on that company's part) but God didn't want me at that job anyway. How do I know? Because I prayed on my way to the interview and told God that it was all in His hands and I would obey and accept His commands. No job at Title Max for me.....
So, today I went back up to Griffin to do the drug test for a job at 1st Franklin Financial.  The company also has to do a criminal background check on me. If I land this job, it will be a pay cut for me, but if this is a happy office and I can spend the next 3 years in a happy place, then God has certainly cared for me and shown me His love and care.
I give all the glory to Sovereign God!

Wow, what a relief! And I ain't even skeered!

I've been working at yet another newspaper for 6 years now. I sell advertising. Yeah. In 2014. For 2 weekly small-town newspapers. Yeah. So.
It's been a struggle since I walked in the door there.
The ad designer put me through the wringer from the beginning. Unfriendly, asking a million questions when the info was plainly there, calling me out in front of the other employees,  giving me wrong stuff and misspelling words purposefully. I had to ask the publisher to call a meeting to give us a pep talk, that all of us needed to work together to help each other to bring revenue in, in order to keep our jobs.
Then I continued to battle my way through each day there.
Sure, it got better. I was able to joke and laugh, but I don't think I ever fully trusted anyone except Angela- the ad designer who put me through hell at the beginning- and Pam, who does page layout and classified ads.
Recently, my disease has flared up and I've been super sick, but have managed to come in each day to do my job. It's been very hard, but I've managed. I even worked on Wednesday because Angela left us to return to school and we need all hands on deck to have 2 persons on staff on Wednesday. Mind you, I'm completely commission so this results in no extra pay for me, I'm just trying to do my share & to be a team player.
We have a writer there named Sherri. She's an extremely difficult coworker. A Wiccan with a hugely negative attitude, and a loud opinionated voice that drones on, given half a chance.
Yesterday, trying to get an answer for a customer on something I had forwarded to her- it was editorial- she yelled at me in front of the office.
I packed up my daily work stuff and left. I sent an email to most of the staff, telling them I feel devalued and embarrassed by that rude reaction. I think I finally reached my breaking point.
Laura did call me and I explained as best I could, in my emotional state, what happened & how I've spent all these years battling for revenue & for respect, and that I feel that I'm done.
She's asking me to give myself some breathing room and to think this over.
Gil, of course, is his usual supportive self. He seems to feel that I will go back to work there, but thinks I should take the entire week off to rest and regroup, and let the people at the Herald Gazette work on without me.
I wish to find another job, that's what I wish.

Empty Nest! Yeah!

 Due to increasing discontent in our home among all 3 of it's residents( the Mister, Yours Truly, and the Grown Son), said grown son found himself a place he can afford and flew the nest.
 It was way past time for this to happen. This house was like an armed camp. We were so disgusted with each other. Michael was critical of his Dad & I, and we returned the sentiment. This was not a home I wanted to return to each day after work. An all 'round bad situation.
 Michael has been out of the house for about 2 weeks now. We get along just fine with him. This is just what this family needed.
 Grown children really shouldn't live at home.
 Period.

A new year!
It's 2014 and while I wish I had some new and interesting thoughts and ideas, I seem to be running on empty.
I had another run of illness recently. This one was triggered by... What else? THE JOB AGAIN. This time our local football team was poised at a run for State Champions in their division and so for 3 weeks running, I had to produce last minute "Go, Trojans!" pages. What a scramble that was.
Then Laura determined that the yearly Christmas & New Year's editions were not pulling in the revenue she wanted so I worked like a freakin fool to pull ads from... Who? This town is like a ghost town.
In the meantime, I have had zero feedback on my efforts.
I really thought that the Geiger's may have been concerned for their financial health, I was quite worried, but hey! All is fine!
They took a week vacation to Pasadena CA with their daughters so they could see the sights and go to the Rose Bowl Parade! Nice for them!
I think the reason I'm a bit unkind about this is because, in light of their vacation, my paycheck was just an "estimated" paycheck. They had a vacation to take after all. I estimate my check was about $300 short, and frankly, I'm not convinced that I will see that money on this week's check.
Also, for our Christmas party, we got to provide the food! What a wonderful thank you from a company that hasn't given it's employees raises in at least 10 years.
So while my disease went into total overdrive and I had to go on a course of steroids in order to cut the inflammation, I did provide my food donation, via Michael Slegl Delivery Service, and I'm afraid I missed the " Christmas Party".
Due to the steroids, I stopped sleeping for a period of time and went into a tailspin.
All this for money. Not even my money.....
So, 2013's ending & 2014's start were not what one hopes for. But once again, I've joined a gym, and am looking to get my health back. I've been faithful with gym attendance and that's my goal.
Of course my walk with God is the other big goal.
And let's do a quick count down, shall we?
I think I have to go to work about 620 more times.... Yay!
So, again, this is not a positive post, but it is a truthful post.
I pray for God's mercy while I live on this hard earth. After all, "this is not my home. I'm just passing through."

Walking with God- and veering off His path.

I finally came here again, knowing it's been too long since I last wrote.
I read my last little post and realized, it's been EXACTLY the right amount of time!
Here's why:
I was in a bad frame of mind on that last post.  I complained, I pointed fingers..... Generally, this Christian wasn't......
Now, here's the deal. I pray every day. I ask God to let me "wear Jesus" so I show others by example and so that I'm following the Lord's Great Commandment- " Love The Lord your God with all your heart and with all your mind and with all your soul". This is the first commandment. And the second is like it: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:37-39. NIV
Whew, right? I've been falling far far short. I pray every day and ask God this same thing... Let me wear Jesus today. And it's taken my sinful self a long time, but I'm moving in the right direction.
I'm not patting myself on the back by any means. Any forward progress being made here is the result of The Holy Spirit working in me. Not anything I've done on my own, believe that. Without God, I'm nothing.
I'm getting along with the coworkers. I'm ashamed of my previous post. But I will not take it down. Let it serve as a reminder to me.
To my friends and family who think they know Jesus, I hope you are traveling the same way I am. This is such joy. It's also such hard work. We fall so far short, it's a wonder God can stomach us sometimes. But that's the beauty of God's love for us. It's so gigantic we cannot conceive it.
And aren't we blessed?
Pick up your Bible or a devotional book. Do it daily. It helps put "you" aside and helps you focus yourself. Read a little. Think on it. Pray. Pray. Pray some more.
Then, the hard part. Try to wear it. You'll fail, you'll be ashamed, you'll ask God's forgiveness.
The next day, do it all over again. Keep trying.
It's hard, it's a comfort, it's what we're here for.
God bless us all, please.

Work is crap.

Sigh. My coworkers. What do I do? I can't kill them.
Here's my dilemma.
This project was for our local football team.
First and foremost, my job is to sell ads to bring in revenue. So I try to come up with projects that will generate interest for both the readership and the potential advertisers.
I initially was going to publish this project on Sept. 24, after the Buggy Days edition, but Walter decided that we should publish in time for the first home game on Sept. 30. Panic mode ensues....
I had to rush to produce this, and I mean REALLY rush. I lost sleep, I worried, I really physically tore myself up over this.
The week prior to publication, when I questioned the distribution at the first game, I begin running into problems. There's nobody to distribute it, there's no overrun ordered from the printer..... Etc, etc.
I cannot believe all this.....
I nearly walked off the job over this mess.
Our joke of an "office manager", who is totally ineffective, has her usual "well, I don't know" attitude about the entire matter. ( Rachel, my one & only work buddy there, asked me the other day, "Why do you even bother to ask her questions?". Good point......)
So, yesterday Gil helped me to get the papers delivered,  thank goodness, or I never would have managed.
Then I went back to the newspaper at 4:20 pm, where, all by myself, I took 100 newspapers apart so I would have the B section to take over to Shannon Jett from the Gridiron Club. She will have some helpers to pass out the section (again, Walter's idea) so that part of the job is handled, no thanks to anyone else there at that job.
Oh, while Missy was at the post office and Tasha was on the phone, the other line rang so I had to stop pulling papers apart so I could answer the phone. See, Sherri and Nolan apparently cannot be bothered.
All this brings me back to the day 2 years ago, I came back to work after knee surgery and Missy stood outside chatting to a passerby while I struggled with my crutches to load newspapers into my car..... I feel like that single act sums up this particular work environment in a nutshell.
So, as mentioned prior, I have 4.5 years to work. And I don't know if this is the place to do it since this is a collection of self-serving people.
I've asked God to give me an answer to this. However, I only asked Him once.
I need to pray for guidance over this daily. I need to then listen to Him.
Truth be told, I am probably asking God to find me another job and drop in right in my lap. He could certainly do it, but I don't feel this is what I should expect . Although, that would be really nice, God.... Just kidding. Sort of....
I know what to do. Quit fighting what I can't win. Ask God for His assistance and guidance. And be obedient to Him.
Y'all pray for me too, please?

Looking Toward the Future

So, it seems that my job is getting more difficult for me to perform. Am I getting older, therefore having trouble doing my tasks? Am I burning out?
Burn out seems the more likely answer.
I sell advertising in a hometown newspaper.
I keep hearing " I get zero response from advertising in your paper". Well......
I'm 58.5 years old. I have a chronic health condition. I have other interests I'd like to explore.
Hello! Judge Judy in the afternoon! Bike riding around town! Seeing other places in Georgia by car! Flying to other countries! Time to take an adult continuing education class at the local college!
Starting an online luxury goods business!
This cannot be how I will end my days, in a job I dread....
So, Gil stuck his head in my sitting room the other night and said to me, " I think you should retire at 62, start collecting your Social Security, enjoy the next 5 years while waiting for me to finish working, then we' re outta here."
I may only get up 840 more times to go in to a job I dread.
That "light at the end" seems a bit faint at this point. But I know it's out there.
Cool!